So, a bit of an odd name for this, my first real, blog post. For those that have been following along with me (mainly on instagram, as I often posted updates in my stories) I have finally finished working on my Lion Mother and Child watercolour painting. Now that it is done I want to take you on a journey about myself. Where I have come from and how we can get there together.
I have been working on the Lion piece since November last year…. yes that is almost five months worth of procrastination. Why am I sharing this with you? I want my brand to take you on a journey, to showcase the vulnerability in my life. In my life as an artist, in my life as a mother/wife, and in my life as a human. Why would I want to show you how vulnerable I can be at times? Because, vulnerability provides room for courage and strength. It also proves that we are human. I am not perfect, and I do not want to appear this way either. I do not strive for perfection (something I have only learnt to do recently), and neither should you.
My feed has lots of beautiful photos. Photos from my amazing rep team (THANK YOU!), photos of my life, and photos of the paintings I complete. It does not show the days where I throw out every painting because I hate them. Nor does not show the days I sabotage myself out of painting by distracting myself with a million other things. It does not show the days I lose my shit because I’m constantly running late and the kids are driving me mad (most likely because I haven’t slept enough; which in turn makes me a grumpy bitch lol).
I want to empower those of you who are like me. Those of us who are always late, who don’t get enough sleep, who need a glass of wine, or a cocktail, at the end of the day. But I also want to let you know that we can, in the smallest of baby steps, keep moving forward in our lives. “How?”, you might say.
My journey begins after the birth of my son. As a mother of two I started to become a little mad (in the crazy sense). But I couldn’t understand why this was happening. My daughter and I got along famously and life was grand. Could adding my son have started to cause all of these problems? I thought yes. He had severe reflux, which in turn made him cry a lot at bedtime. The constant crying was hard to deal with. But this wasn’t the problem, I did not realise it but I was not coping. I had been out of the work force for almost two years, really only existing for my children, and the more time went by the worse I got. I was drowning in my own world, without realising it.
Please understand that I absolutely adore and love my children to bits. This has nothing to do with them, or our bond. It was simply about the fact that I was losing MYSELF. I wanted to find something to do. Some alone time. And even having that thought made me feel guilty.
Fast track to three and a half years later; I have done, and am still doing, lots of self improvement work. I can honestly say that I am happy and content. This filters through to my children and marriage. We are all happy and thriving. It is a joy to see. But know that it is not an overnight process. It has happened in baby steps over the last two and a half years. Also, don’t think that I am constantly happy. I have days where I am sad, and that is ok too. What is very important is that I feel and acknowledge each emotion I have. Something else that I have recently learnt.
So what I want to tell you is, let’s do it together, slowly. Let me help you on your journey to take those baby steps to start finding yourself and stop losing yourself in self doubt/loneliness/guilt. We are just as important as all other aspects of our life. It is time we start to acknowledge it.